Vows have, for years, been the centerpiece of the wedding ceremony. Even more so when the couple decides to write their vows for themselves. As an event planner, helping couples write their vows can be a humbling, moving thing. But some couples might need a bit of guidance on just where to start. Here, we want to give you some tips for helping couples write the very best vows. Stick to our tips and you will be sure to produce tear jerking, memorable vows for both bride and groom.

The Difference for Men and Women

As an event planner, you might be wondering (or even be asked) if there is a difference in how a man or women should write vows for their partner. The answer here is no. While vows are deeply personal for both parties involved, you should emphasize that both partners speak from the heart. Often, speaking from the heart is effective for everyone, no matter the gender. Both genders can recount stories of how they fell in love, include music, include their children, add in poetry or quotes, or jokes and more. If both parties speak from their hearts there will not be a dry eye in the room.

How to Start

Where do you start your vows at? Realize that there are a number of options, here. Just do what you feel. But if you are really stumped about what to start writing, just think about something that you love about your partner. Then, tell people in the audience just when you came to learn about that trait. Or how you both met. In this way, you are personalizing your vows and can also add in a bit of humor. After, you might want to think about promises to make to your partner.


Understand that your vows can last as long as you would like. However, your audience may very well tune out after about a minute. This is why that we recommend that the entire length of your vows be 1-2 minutes, with 2 minutes being the maximum. But if your ceremony allows for a long allotment for your vows, feel free to go longer. Many couples incorporate things like songs into their vows. Or longer anecdotes. In this case, the vows might be more like 4 minutes or so long apiece. Just make it charming and real and that time will go fast.

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